Vehemently Vitriolic

Its odd. Good cooking generally misses one or two members of a family. I bet almost no one has a grandma that wasn’t a completely kick-ass cook. Mine was (well, one of them anyway. Sorry other grandma. I love you to death, but those boulder cookies you made when I was 8 are STILL making their way through my colon). She baked bread and cookies and cakes, and there was nothing that she touched that didn’t become a piece of artwork. And yet, somehow, there is a relative who completely missed the lessons on how to make food properly. Not even properly…..but to not decide to “think outside the box” (pun intended) and start adding wacky food to other wacky food and then prance around and display it and lourde over it waiting for unsuspecting minions to accidentally try some. (more…)

My trusty laptop. My old friend. We have parted ways. Though no nuptials were involved, I took a quiet vow until death-do-us-part, and I took it seriously. You were there for me those long 4-years (5 maybe? Good times pass so much quicker than bad) as I moved from Windows to Gentoo, and then to Ubuntu. You were my constant companion, always by my side, or on my lap, grinning back at me, your face allight making me think. In fact, it is these moments of you gently warming my crotch that I will miss most.

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Spitz are a fickle mistress. They stare at you from the store shelves on every trip you make for sustinence. You’ve overcome her before and been clean for months. You haven’t even had the urges. The ugly, ugly urges. You’ve beat it before and shunned her…and this is a one-time only thing. You certainly won’t call her in the morning. Plus they’re like 2 for $5, so really, you’re SAVING money, and getting them this way rather than on the street where who knows what the Hot-N-Spicy might be cut with is way safer. Rationalization is the addicts only true friend.
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I spent last Easter weekend doing very traditional Easter things. Such as stuffing pieces of spun-glass fibre in between pieces of wood on a wall, then covering that with plastic. And drywalling. Not traditional you say? Well, historians now believe that Jesus (being a carpenter and all) was actually brought in to install some cabinets and a granite counter top into a residence on a pilot for a show called “Flip This Yurt”. He was helping “resurect” it, and the whole thing about him coming back from the dead was a mis-translation. (more…)

It is with a certain amount of pride that I have never had a cavity. In my whole life, not a single one. I’m also proud I have all my vestigial pieces (well, okay, not the tail as thats only during embryonic development. But how cool would THAT be) as well, but that may soon come to an end. Lousy mother nature and her wisdom-tooth money.

This also means I’ve never had to be mutilated any fillings done, nor had to see my friendly neighbourhood DDS for anything worse than a cleaning. So, it came as a bit of a shock when I found out I had the dreaded cavity. Oh sure, tartar and I were bussom friends for a long time, but I never thought my teeth would cheat on me with decay. (more…)

Last evening around dinner time, I was visited by the perennial pain-in-ass people known as the the Jehovahs Witnesses. They usually come on Saturday afternoons, but I guess conversion have been falling in this 3rd quarter, so the outreach program has been ramped up. “Goal oriented” are words I would use to describe the Witness breathren.
I’ll admit to being a godless heathen. I don’t believe or have faith, or whatever. I live in front of computer screens, so if there was a god, I’m pretty sure he would have given me some form of cancer (though, I use LCD’s now, so I guess I’ll have to find out what form of cancer they give off. Damn CRTs….such an easy stereotype) so I don’t sweat it.

However, I also have no problem with what people believe in. Whatever you believe in the privacy of your home is fine with me. Christ, Yaweh, Beezlebub, Welsh Rarebit, I really don’t care. I am quite aware that faith can be a huge thing to people, so I will even listen to their opening monologue before politely telling them I am not interested and to not bother us again. I don’t engage people in biblical inaccuracies or pretend I worship the devil. (more…)

Ah, the sites and smells of the hospital. Just got back from the emergency center at Eagle Ridge hospital for my massive wounds.

Well, okay, perhaps “massive” and “wound” is not really what the medical industry would call it. I was walking down my landlords steps to build a MAME machine in his basement, and, for whatever reason, they felt that the carpet on the stairs was causing some sort of serious barrier to people enjoying the runners and stringers in all their glory, so they removed it.

But left the tack strips. (more…)

I have become single (again) while my wife is away fighting space zombies and mortgage lenders in a sub-prime post apocalyptic meltdown, also known as field geology.

As the time passes, I realise that me becoming a completely sloven git is not my own doing. No, like everyone in the US who refuses to take responsibility for their actions, I proudly pronounce:

I have a syndrome!

Its called Rational Female Brain Syndrome® or RFBS as the name on my inevitable patent and Nobel Prize statue will say. It follows the ideal of “behind every great man is an even greater woman”, though this phrase was shortened from “behind every half-assed male is a brilliant, and exceedingly patient, female making the man half-assed as opposed to some infintesmely small fraction-assed male if left on his own”. (more…)