Vehemently Vitriolic

You know what’s awesome about DELL? No really, I’m asking because I have no goddamn idea.

They sent a flyer around back in August. My beloved laptop had died, and I was in the market for a replacement.

“Heck” I thought “DELL can’t be THAT bad. They must certainly better than a steaming pile of poop left on my door by a rabid wombat with leprosy. Surely, even they could come through and shine next to something like that”

And yet, I was wrong. So very very wrong. A pile of shit actually EXISTS on your doorstep, unlike my laptop which appears to be made from solid Uranium and includes the flux capacitor which enables it to go back in time (I admit, I paid extra for the time machine-like abilities). (more…)

Its odd. Good cooking generally misses one or two members of a family. I bet almost no one has a grandma that wasn’t a completely kick-ass cook. Mine was (well, one of them anyway. Sorry other grandma. I love you to death, but those boulder cookies you made when I was 8 are STILL making their way through my colon). She baked bread and cookies and cakes, and there was nothing that she touched that didn’t become a piece of artwork. And yet, somehow, there is a relative who completely missed the lessons on how to make food properly. Not even properly…..but to not decide to “think outside the box” (pun intended) and start adding wacky food to other wacky food and then prance around and display it and lourde over it waiting for unsuspecting minions to accidentally try some. (more…)

I spent last Easter weekend doing very traditional Easter things. Such as stuffing pieces of spun-glass fibre in between pieces of wood on a wall, then covering that with plastic. And drywalling. Not traditional you say? Well, historians now believe that Jesus (being a carpenter and all) was actually brought in to install some cabinets and a granite counter top into a residence on a pilot for a show called “Flip This Yurt”. He was helping “resurect” it, and the whole thing about him coming back from the dead was a mis-translation. (more…)

Last evening around dinner time, I was visited by the perennial pain-in-ass people known as the the Jehovahs Witnesses. They usually come on Saturday afternoons, but I guess conversion have been falling in this 3rd quarter, so the outreach program has been ramped up. “Goal oriented” are words I would use to describe the Witness breathren.
I’ll admit to being a godless heathen. I don’t believe or have faith, or whatever. I live in front of computer screens, so if there was a god, I’m pretty sure he would have given me some form of cancer (though, I use LCD’s now, so I guess I’ll have to find out what form of cancer they give off. Damn CRTs….such an easy stereotype) so I don’t sweat it.

However, I also have no problem with what people believe in. Whatever you believe in the privacy of your home is fine with me. Christ, Yaweh, Beezlebub, Welsh Rarebit, I really don’t care. I am quite aware that faith can be a huge thing to people, so I will even listen to their opening monologue before politely telling them I am not interested and to not bother us again. I don’t engage people in biblical inaccuracies or pretend I worship the devil. (more…)

Man do I love government. All levels, really, but the larger it gets, the more ridiculous. My all-time favorite are cigarettes. Years ago the the government started outlawing cigarettes in bars. Then restaurants. Now out on open-air patios, and there is a pilot program to make it illegal to smoke in your own car with a child in it. Even when I was a smoker myself, I must admit that not smoking in a bar made thing better. My issue is not getting rid of the smokers, ’cause nothing brings a people together more than creating pariahs. No, my problem is all the “we are doing this for your health” bullshit. The government is really concerned about your health. No really. Not MORE than the money it gets, but just almost as much. You are only one pee-on, whereas the tobacco companies pay oodles more taxes than you do.

Seriously, stop putting the happy we give a shit about you face on it. Just make the things illegal if you are really concerned for the populace, or shut up and let people be.

Next up is a lower form of government (pun intended) in provincial. (more…)